Hello (again)

It's been a long time since I posted.

A lot has happened here.

This is quite a negative post, and there are no pictures (you've been warned!!!!).

I arrived back from Stuttgart to find that Mr ZZ was poorly. Not physically poorly, but the sort of poorly you get when you've been out of work for 2 years, and the prospects of getting anything else seem to be fading by the day, in a city where the 'Situations Vacant' in the local paper has gone from a large supplement to a page and a half. The poorly that you get when you have no disposable income of your own at all, and you wonder whether it's worth carrying on at all becaue you perceive yourself to be a burden; you don't even want to go to the supermarket to get the groceries, or to the newsagents to get a paper, because you think that everyone is wondering why a fit young(ish) man is around in the daytime.

It all became quite horrendous (you know things are bad at home when you positively look forward to going to work and dread the weekends and evenings!!!), and I didn't feel that I could talk to my family, long-term friends or colleagues about this - I didn't want them to judge Mr ZZ, whom they know and love. But I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to my quilting friends, none of whom have ever met Mr ZZ, but who were supportive and non-judgemental, and who were always there for a shoulder to cry on (which makes me think that probably my family would have been great as well and that it was me who was making a wrong judgement).

On a much happier note, Nr ZZ graduated in May - he's spent the last 7 years studying part-time with the Open University for a degree in history (we met through the OU, at a summer school in Stirling, but that's a whole other story....). Friends and family (who knew nothing, remember, of how he'd been struggling with just getting up and getting on with things) came and celebrated with him - cards and gifts came a-flying through the post - and I think he suddenly realised that actually he would be missed.

Armed with his 2:1, he applied for an MA at our local university, but was very pessimistic - 'they won't look twice at me - I'm too old and I've done nothing with my life....' and much to his surprise, they offered him a place in June, and he started last week. The difference has been incredible over the last three months - it's as though he's re-emerged from a deep sleep.

To be honest, although I should perhaps have shared this with family and close friends, he knows that they are unaware of his illness, and it's made it easier for him to start to recover. It does make me very angry indeed that there's such a stigma attached to mental illness - a broken leg, and sympathy would have been poured over him - have a breakdown, and people cross the road to get away from you.

There's a long way to go yet, and I'm sure there will be relapses, but for now things are looking happier.